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Loving Someone Depressed-Again!

It is not uncommon for people who have lived with a parent or sibling who suffered from depression – to become attracted to friends and/or partners with depression.

Many people who have lived through the tough emotional rollercoaster ride of depression in their homes, often look for an “escape” out of the situation instead of confronting the culprit.

This escape may include moving out, going to college, drinking, drugging, promiscuity etc; but the issue of how that person’s depression affected you is rarely addressed.

This leaves unfinished business. No ending to the psychopathy of the relationship. Therefore, many people will often unconsciously seek another person out much like the one they have actually or emotionally abandoned.

For example, *Carrie had a very difficult relationship with her clinically depressed mother. For years, they were disconnected and aloof although they lived together until Carrie left for college. Six months into college, Carrie met a boy who ended up being her boyfriend for several years. The boyfriend was also suffering from depression unbeknownst to Carrie—who didn’t realize it until much later into the relationship. But the signs were there.

Like her mother, Carrie’s boyfriend often self-medicated to “escape”. He also seemed unable to really forge an emotionally intimate relationship with her because he was too enraged with himself. He didn’t like himself—much like her mother didn’t like herself.

These similarities proved too much for this relationship to bear, and it ended, but that need not be your reality.

For things to do:

1. Living with a depressed primary family member affects everyone in the home. Talk about your experience with someone—preferably a professional who is able to help direct you towards another path instead of repeating the cycle.

2. Learn about depression. Depression is really RAGE that a person feels which they turn inwards. They are angry about something and feel paralyzed to express that rage for whatever reason.

3. Sit back and really observe your closest friend or partner. Does he/she have similarities in their personalities to your family member’s? If so, ask yourself in what way? And is it in a healthy way?

4. Confront your partner/friend in a loving way stating that you recognize that they may be a little depressed or sad right now – but that you will do whatever they need to help them get through it—especially for the health of your relationship with each other.

*Actual client, but name has been changed to protect privacy.

For more information about depression, you can obtain the booklet:

Are You Or Someone You Love Depressed? Also Try: What To Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed : A Practical, Compassionate, and Helpful Guide for Caregivers by Mitch Golant, Susan K. Golant

Lisa Angelettie, M.S.W., is a psychotherapist, writer, and speaker. She has been helping clients with all types of life issues since 1998. She is the Founder and Director of www.GirlShrink.com , a site that offers expert online advice, counseling and coaching for women on a variety of issues such as relationships, mental health and more.

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Lisa Angelettie m.s.w. http://www.CityMax.com?domain=41241

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